Real

A while back after posting some pictures on Facebook an old friend from high school commented that I look so happy. I thought to myself, "If she only knew." At this time I was walking through a very hard time, my life felt like a big mess, I felt like a mess. But then again who posts pictures of the messiness of life? Who wants to tell people that everything is not okay? That they are a real mess.

So I decided this blog is going to be about me, my journey pretty unfiltered, and pretty messy. Today I was reading Paul a passage in John from his Bible and it was talking about how things of God are in the light and how evil, sin is in the darkness. This blog will be about me trying to walk in the light, and about the falls in darkness (which will be quite honestly hard to share). Come enjoy the journey with me.

SOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo Here goes,

Moving is awful! I don't care how many times I move, it gets stinkier and stinkier, add planting a church, and raising a family. I can whine on, but that really won't help anyone and believe me I have had plenty of pity parties lately and boohoo session.

So here it goes moving stinks because we get to a new place and right away my husband seems to know his call or his purpose for being here and he happily jumps right into action. Were as I have no clue what I am doing here, let alone where to find the best grocery store! Okay, here are the facts, God called our family here and we are to plant a church . I can rest in the fact that God called us here, so there is a purpose. That brings some comfort. Planting a church? What does that mean for me? What role do I play in this? Sometimes I feel like who I am is being swallowed up by my family and the ministry. I feel this pressure to be something...I don't even know what as a church planting pastor's wife....

But the worst thing about moving....is that you feel .....lonely.....I know I can give myself the Christian answers....you are not alone, God is with you always, He will never leave you, but honestly I just want a friend I can call up and say meet me here in 30.

I wish at this point I could give you the uplifting aha moment, where I have figured it all out, or the encouraging verse....but I am just not there yet, which is okay. I am getting there and God is growing me and I am discovering more of Him and shedding less of me. So this week, this moment I just pray for God to help me balance who he has created me to be, what he has called me to do, balance between family, and ministry. I know they can all work in a beautiful way, God just show me how. And I continue to pray that you would build a community around me that I can love and that loves me.